Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Day 20

+ Got to sleep over and talk to two of my mentors! :D twas nice :) Realized that I have changed a lot...

+ My listening span shortened :( I don't really know how to adjust this. How to put it back. I think this is because of Kona again... I don't think I would recover fast... I thought I was okay. I wasn't. I'm being too pessimistic.. I'm depressed still. I thought I was okay... I wasn't.

It's so hard especially when there is no one to be with. When everyone else is having problems. Sometimes I just want to disappear. To go somewhere far. Somewhere where I could talk to God. If only i could call God on the phone right now and just hear His voice... I know I'd be okay once again.

I can see slowly God moving through my life and that's what's helping me fight on. I want to be optimistic but I can't. It's too hard. I need someone who could listen to me... But then... Right now no one could. What a lonely Christmas. I just don't know anymore. I just don't.

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