Today. The Day.

+ Woke up, talked to my parents. Had their last wisdom nuggets for me :) Love them. haha <3 Learned a lot in one hour.

+ Last MInute additionals to luggage.

+ Went to JAcks Ridge with my sister, nephew, and lil sis. HAd fun. ATE AGAIN hahaha. but then I had a great talk with my sister.. She told me how God turned around her life, how HE blessed her. and it all began when she obeyed my parent's wisdom. So i want to do the same. I will obey. My parents wants me to let go of my friends first... So I will obey even if its tough. Friends and Dreams. it can't be together with me. I will keep the friends that I know who are true and that's it. :) Dreams aren't easy to reach it needs several things to give up. ANd for me, it's friends. <3 This is the time that I choose my friends. :)

+ Went to OMF with my family. I wanted a book so badly "Bloom". My parents didnt buy it for me for it was expensive. But then I will pray for it. Indeed, it's God to whom I should ask for :) Felt that The enemy was attacking me from here. I prayed and all was well. :) my emotions subsided.

+ Had a last dinner with my parents in my favorite resto, Andessa. We had so much fun. :) I will miss them for sure. :)

+ I asked God why I did this blog for... and i didn't realize that as I write everyday, it made me let go of KOna slowly. :) God showed how much He blessed me and How He sticked with me. :) Today as I went to manila, I had no regrets, only faith and joy and a bit of fear but dependence on God. :) He indeed is amazing... He helped me let go and see the blessing beyond the chaos in my life. :) He was preparing me.

+ I am in manila now... A new Journey Begins for me :)

Day 35

+ Had a breakfast with my very very close friend from addu in Mcdo. Had so much fun having breakfast with her :) It's like our last bonding till I come back to davao. She was so sweet. :)

+ THEN! had Lunch with the same "Ahiya" from the anime group in i think.. roadhouse. It was a steak house! the food was SOOO good! and they treated me! We where 4. 2 kuyas and 1 ate. :) They were so much fun to be with. They're the ones who really took care of me whenever I would hang out with the anime group :) I would surely miss them. <3 It's their last treat out for me until i get back again. :) SUch great friends ^^

+ Finished my luggage FINALLY!

+ Then went in a Bible study. Ate again. Loved the food. They had baby crabs hehe. Then my dad preached. I like the topic. was about being not perfect. :)

+ THEN! had a date with my dad in a coffee shop. Ate sausage and then drank coffee! HAd so much fun with my dad. We talked about the female and male roles in Creation :) Love talking to him with coffee <3

+Practically I was pigging out the whole day. Haven't felt so full for a long time..O_O

+ I'm just thankful to God... for giving me such wonderful people in my life..:)

Day 34

+ Went to my favorite coffee shop here with my "ahiya" from an anime group. I love talking to him. :D He treated me coffee and nachos! Ugh... I will really miss this place :,( We talked a lot about my heart towards someone, and talked about parents. It was a great talk and he bought me a book! "For women only" He's one of mi best ahiyas! :D

+ Then talked to my dad. Poured out my feelings about how I feel at home. I tried to understand him and my mom's tiredness. Thank God, He helped me. :) Then. I found out a way to cure this brain meddling thoughts. that is to sing for God :)

+ This is one of the best days ever! I got to talk to a VERY good friend whom I've been wanting to talk to. We had a casual talk and that cheered me up a lot :D gave me courage. :) A very great friend indeed. I just love talking to that person. Made me laugh, smile, and encouraged me. Can't wait for that person to go back here so we could talk a lot again ^_^ This person is someone whom cheers me up just because that person is being himself. :)

Day 33

+ Bought a gift for my "little brother" one of the most important people in mah life :) Bought him The Shack. Hope the Holy Spirit will talk to him through that.

+ Then had lunch with my "little brother" went well. I will miss that dude. We were laughing and reminiscing. <3

+ My little shobe from an anime group gave me a puzzle ring! it was soo nice :) I Loved it! Indeed there is something with women and jewelries :)

+ Finally got to reconcile with my best friend before in Davao. :) Was super glad. God indeed moved ^_^

Day 32

+ I have an impression that God wants me to stay in the Philippines this year. Yet it is subject to change depending on my spiritual growth :) I think God is changing the pace of my life. He wants me to be deeply inlove with Him at this time. :) He actually made me write what He wanted to tell me. Here it is: ( I've cut a lot of parts because it's long. Some are just plain private so I didn't type them here. )

I've given you the Gift of Christmas Shi. Do not take this gift for granted. I've given this to you that you may show the world the beauty of Me. The beauty that would bring rest and peace in the hearts of coarse men and cold hearts. Shiriel I have a big calling for you... But I cannot use you until the Word, My Word is engraved in your heart. You are in a battlefield my child. I won't send you out there unless you're fully armored.

Please stop worrying, stop thinking that you're alone, for you are not. ... I have given you a gift that you are yet to discover. Have patience my child. Your thoughts are mine. You are mine. Bring my colors to the world...

...Do not forget that I am your First Love. Write letters to me, draw arts for me, write books for me...

Do not give up. Be still. Sing for me. Never forget to pray and talk to me. My books for you are Psalms, Proverbs, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes, and Job. :) I love you my child. Be still and know that I am God...

I created you that way... See the details of life, see the sparkles of gemstones, the beauty of dresses. You are a woman, you are my masterpiece. Not let anyone look down on you for you are precious in my eyes... From trash to complete elegance. You're my little artist and I want you to create, create, and create. You're not perfect and I am patient...

I want to hear you voice every morning. Your voice is sweeter than the sweet singing of the birds that you hear. I know your thoughts... I wouldn't just give you to any man, but I will hand you over... without you trying so hard. He will love me before you.

I hear your silent prayers, your longings... You weren't called to pray alone Shi. Find a prayer partner. Do not be afraid. Let people know you, let them see me in you. Reveal me through your arts... I love you and I will use your hands. Your hands are my gift to you. Don't ever forget that...

I will use you mightily this year. Hold unto that promise. Listen for my voice is small, but it won't be long that it would be loud. Love me Shii. I will use you. Prepare your heart, mind and soul. Pray. Meditate. Appreciate. :) My little Artist :)

...Take my hand, have faith. Never let go for I will never let go. Keep on writing, keep on singing, keep in drawing. You are my little artist from before, now and forever...

+ I've got to stand up! WAHOO! 3 more days. :)

Day 31

+ I can't believe it. My mom is the greatest mom in this world. She has a huge heart. It's hard to explain here but she just has this heart that is so full of love and sacrifice... I am learning a lot from my mom... She doesn't know it but I observe her, I observe what she does for me and boy am I amazed. She's like God in disguise. Oh my. My parents are like God in disguise! they're perfect for me.

+ I want to earn next year! I want to give back what they've given me, no more than what they've given me! and then pay it forward! I want to show the world how amazing my parents are. I want to tell the world how they raised me up. :)

+ New year indeed. New surprises. New learnings :)

+ My father prayed for me today and my thoughts were cleared. I need to read the Bible more that I may fight every condemning thought from the enemy. Everyday I will recite Psalm 139, a loud.

+ I want to make LOTS of arts! wahoo!

+ PS. Packing ain't easy. xD

Day 30

+ 7 more days. It's a new adventure for me :)

+ Indeed it is new year. I can feel it in the air :) I don't know how God did it, but I just feel it. It's everywhere. From the clouds, to the sky, to the wind, to the sun, to the smell of the air... Everything seems so refreshing. It's not raining its not to hot. It's perfect. :) Such a memorable day for me :)

+ Slowly my heart is coming to huge realizations. I am a princess of God worth fighting for, there's so much in that phrase :)

+ I need friends. Real girl friends or a group. I need to regain my social life. :)

Day 29

+ Okay so I still used the computer. Haha I just had to!!!! New year here I come! :D I used my glasses and i didn't have a headache.

+ The reason why I have endless headaches and tummy aches is... I'm stressed!!!! I am a week away from leaving for manila and I have to clean and pack up so many things! 3/4 of my luggage is my mac and crafts! 1/4 are my clothes!!!! Aahhhhh! Artist thing i guess haha.

+ Fixed my bag full of clothes :) My next bag. Craft bag. BIG and HEavy. Ayyiii.

+ Needs new revelations. :)

+ Decided to grow up indeed... realized that there's a kid inside every person's heart that could never be forgotten or left behind :)

Day 28

+ Had so much fun today! :D Went to a very close friend's house and boy did i enjoy the snacks, dinner, and tekken! whoot! I love playstation!!! ahhh... Haven't played it for years now. :) It's good to be a kid for a night again :) Even if my wrist hurst SO BAD now. Atleast my kiddish spirit has been revived :)

+ I thank God for a wonderful evening. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

+ I'm starting to make good habits today! weee! :D

+ Just a few more days before the 7th and I am having weird tummy thingies achies. I think I'm stressed. xD

+ Oh yeah no computer for the whole day tomorrow! it's new years and I have an awful headache and our suspicion is, "too much computer" haha. so no computer for a day :)

Day 27

+ I will have my macbook pro on January eleven hopefully. :) God indeed kept his promise that When he closes a door, he opens a gate :)

+ I have realized a lot of things. SO many things that I actually enjoy facing today. :) Grow up grow up. It's hard but indeed it is exciting as well :) I feel like a different person everyday.

+ I have learned to let go of my emotions, I have learned that indeed love is a choice not a feeling. But emotions are darn hard to control!

+ I might write a book soon.. :) I have many ideas, for ladies, for men, for fathers, for teens. haha anyways. Loving my life. :) God is turning my tears into gemstones. Gemstones are wisdom applied :)

Day 26

+ First Monday that I really really love. :) I felt energized, I felt different.

+ We went out as a family with a friend too. We went to the park and registered so i could vote! Woooah. I have no idea how to vote.

+ Made final arrangements for my macbook pro :)

+ My lil sis and nephew biked for an hour, while we, the adults, sat on the benches and waited for them. Felt so happy being there. I like seeing kids on bikes.. :) and sitting on park benches. <3

+ Thought a lot. My dad kept asking why I was so quiet lately. Now i know... It's my season of thinking, my season of growing up slowly from the inside.

+ We then had coffee in Kangaroo. They have the best nachos!!! I love my mom for treating me one. :D and my friends for treating me coffee with pink sprinklers! Yum Yum! I actually have a photo. hahah.

Tadah! See mah Nachos at thee back?! YUMM!

Pink sprinklers! Aahhhhh... soo cute :D I love this drink <3

Day 25

+ Had a good time in church :) Felt God's presence during worship. He was either on my right side or His hands were curled on my shoulders. :) SO many things I want to ask and tell him. So many learnings passing through my head. Wisdom. So much wisdom.

+ Got to hang out with my anime friends. Realized that I indeed am changing. Several people said that I look more mature now, I look like a lady, not a girl no more.

+ But one person did say I look OLD. Now that was disturbing.

Day 24

+ Got the biggest gift from God. Wisdom and Understanding.

+ Not everything is based on feelings or emotions. It is also based on choice and declaration and faith. I choose to have a happy Christmas. I choose to receive the gift God has given me even if I cannot feel it.

+ I am pretty, I am different, I am Shiriel :)

+ I choose to grow up. It's time to be a woman. It's time to take care of others. :)

Day 23

+ It's Christmas. :) an hour past midnight to be exact. I just received my Gift from God... I received wisdom and understanding. :)

+ Sharing so much of what is going on with myself actually shuts off my listening ear. I should really balance it. It's time to bottle up my emotions and release them in arts, and time to turn on my listening ear again once more. :)

+ He made me realize that someday someone would understand me. I just have to wait and first focus on Him.

+ It's time to get back on track. depression, perfectionism or whatever. I got to stand up once more. Life isn't about me. Life is about God and others. :) Life must go on. I fall down today, today I should stand up too. :)

+ There's just magic in Christmas that I couldn't explain. Little miracles then releases the heart and gives a new hope. Next year, my Christmas would be extra ordinary. I am sure of it. :) I've decided to save up ^^.

Day 22

+ This Holiday is just not my thing... Every move I make is just wrong. How I wish I could mask this all. Be happy despite all the happenings. I am so numb. I want to return my mask, this is enough.

+ Depression, perfectionism. What more do I need to just understand how to live?

+ I am about to get my macbook pro this January. My parents are paying for it but then I am not that excited anymore. I am thankful with a heavy heart. I don't know. Can someone please examine my heart.

+ This Christmas is the worst that I have ever had. Mostly tears and perfection, guilt and smiles, joy up joy down. I want to bottle up again. Expressing my emotions into words aren't that good for me. No one will ever understand. No one.

+ Well its Christmas Eve! and my mind is tired and blank.

Day 21

+ Today we went to Eden as a family. it's a nature park. I thought I was going to enjoy my time with my family. But i was wrong. I was so bored. I don't even think it's the place, it's just me. My listening span, my patience, gets thinner and thinner. I have no idea what is up with me. I get bored so fast that i just want to disappear. What in the world is up with me. Is this an artist's way of being bored? Believe me nobody wants to be in my place.

+ Bored. How i wish its the typical "I'm bored let's go shop or eat" The thing is everything that I could do is so boring for me. To eat, to play, to walk, to shop, to make crafts. There is nothing I want to do. I feel numb.

+ What is Christmas going to bring me. Gifts?... would it make me happy? Why am I so depressed. Oh please let me leave this empty hole I am in.

Day 20

+ Got to sleep over and talk to two of my mentors! :D twas nice :) Realized that I have changed a lot...

+ My listening span shortened :( I don't really know how to adjust this. How to put it back. I think this is because of Kona again... I don't think I would recover fast... I thought I was okay. I wasn't. I'm being too pessimistic.. I'm depressed still. I thought I was okay... I wasn't.

It's so hard especially when there is no one to be with. When everyone else is having problems. Sometimes I just want to disappear. To go somewhere far. Somewhere where I could talk to God. If only i could call God on the phone right now and just hear His voice... I know I'd be okay once again.

I can see slowly God moving through my life and that's what's helping me fight on. I want to be optimistic but I can't. It's too hard. I need someone who could listen to me... But then... Right now no one could. What a lonely Christmas. I just don't know anymore. I just don't.

Day 19

+ Laundry day! and I LOVE the breeze this morning. it's so cool. :) Makes me want to play Christmas music all day long <3

+ Will visit Ywam today! to meet my 3 mentors :) I do hope my dad allows me to stay for one night there.

+ Is eager to make more ARTS! must must must!

+ Not that excited to manila. nyahahaha.. but excited on what God would do. :) Hmm. All I need indeed is God :)

Day 18

+ We had our Christmas Musical Play today! " A baby changes everything " I am so glad God helped me with my part. :) I got to sing it well! Even if it was just 10 secs i know my part was important as well! Give it thy best even if it's just a small part! Choir is TEAM WORK! wahoooo!

+ I went out to eat with my friends. I got to pay for my own dinner! (with my parent's money :p ) I am so happy! And i got to eat blueberry cheesecake donut!!!!! from Krispy Kremes! lalalala~

+ I got to think a lot about Christmas... The atmosphere of Christmas in my place is just slowly dying down... I don't like it. :( The spirit of Christmas is as good as gone... I miss having Christmas shopping, Christmas baking, Christmas Gatherings.... Next year, I won't allow this to happen again!

+ I want to bring my family to a place where Christmas is well handled. I want to bring them to Europe someday. :) And I will, if God lets it :)

Day 17

+ Bought new pair of shoes! :D I love it!

+ Speaking of that... I'm slowly getting tired of anime, and things I love before... I'm starting to love clothes and shoes and girly stuff. I wonder why.

+ I feel like I want to be model rather than a cosplayer. It's a tad bit weird. Weird emotional roller coasters.